...so i touched it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
