This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So many bounce houses so little time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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