I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
