How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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