someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
