I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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