he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
