I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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