According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
