I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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