Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
