I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
