I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
