Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
