dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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