the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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