Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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