the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
