capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
