I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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