I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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