I got her a Nickelback box set.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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