he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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