mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize