Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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