Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
