I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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