never play flip cup with pint glasses
Welp...herpes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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