I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
