So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
