I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
