and i looked up. we had an audience...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What a dumb baby whore.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
