you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
