So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
