I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize