I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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