better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
