it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
