20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
