I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize