My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
