why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
