the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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