3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
