Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
