I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
