I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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