So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
