so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
