So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize