Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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