I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
