god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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