Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
