she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
