Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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