Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize