Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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