mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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