my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
