I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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