she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
