Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
