I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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