I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
