sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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