"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
