Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
