Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you made out with another girl for some wings
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
