it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my liver is dry heaving
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
