we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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