Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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