Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
