we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
