i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
