drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
