I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize