there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Randomize
