yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
