I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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