I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
