I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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