people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
