And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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