forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
