I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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