words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
