so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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