at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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