I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
