It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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