I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
