So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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