so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
