hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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