she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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