Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
