is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
