accomplished twins. life is a go
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
