He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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