My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
