I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
