Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
