Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize