Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
