the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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