How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
