I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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